Mama Knows Best

I am never happier than when I’m linked arm in arm with my mom, skipping round the shops with our extensive shopping bags swinging by our ankles. She is my best friend. I know that no matter what happened out of all the people in the world, she would be there.

No human is PERFECT, (sorry mom, I know you’ll be reading this). She’s infuriating sometimes. I’ve never met someone so determined to put themselves down at every given opportunity. It’s hard work reassuring her as I know everything positive I give her she discredits anyway. But at least I know, that she knows, I love her anyway.

She’s also incredibly, INCREDIBLY extra. Her second home is the doctors (ever wonder why the NHS is in the state it’s in, blame Louise) Honest to god, every time I see her there’s a new ailment. I’ll be sitting in her apartment, sieving a lumpy ‘posh’ coffee through my teeth, listening to her announce which bones hurting her today. She went to that ITV Live show the other week and I swear she only went, to have one-to-one with that Dr Phil. And before I move on to my next point, the coffee. Oh lordy, lordy. If she ever offers you a ‘posh’ coffee (which basically consists of those packet Latte things, I know nothing posh about that is there?) DON’T HAVE ONE. If it doesn’t burn all the layers off your tongue, you’ll be choking on the boulders of coffee lumps in the cup because she hasn’t stirred it properly. In fact, I have developed this technique where by, you put your lips over the rim of the cup, and kinda…bite down at the same time? That way the coffee sifts through your teeth with ease, however, bear in mind the lumps will stick to your teeth and gums making you look like an extra on Jezza Kyle. Not to mention the added sensitive teeth and potential staining…in short just say no, be polite and just have a tea.

My mom is also incredibly out spoken. Not in the sense, that she uses it for political gain or campaigning. She’s outspoken in the sense, she’s half soaked and doesn’t realise the implications of saying something until its too late and, well, she’s already said it. Minor example that still makes me laugh. This one time (in band camp) in Sainsbury’s, we were walking down the pasta sauce isle. My mom shouted “ooh smells like someone’s dropped one” NOW. I already knew that my mom was talking about the ‘pasta-ry’ smell in the air and was simply implying someone dropped a pasta sauce jar –not a fart. The looks we got from the middle class folk of Sainsbury’s, was GREAT.

I look back to when we lived together, and how rocky our relationship was. Bit of context, I was very difficult to live round when I was around 15-17 as I was living in denial about the whole gay thing. I was on the defence 24/7. I remember after one argument between my mom and me, she asked me what was going on and that she knew that something wasn’t right. She gave me every opportunity to tell her but I just don’t think I was ready. And I don’t know why, but I was just so worried how she would take it. OBVIOUSLY she took it very well and if I could go back and tell myself that at the time it would have made my life so much easier. I have to say, out of all the friends and family I have lost through ‘the gay thing’ I am so happy with who I have left.  My mom loves the GOSS, mind so do I. My brother, my mom and her boyfriend LOVE to hear my dating stories, all the ins and outs of who I’m seeing and inevitably, what went wrong.

Just after my break up, obviously it’s a rough time for anyone. My mom started this thing where she would check in with me every day. She would call me the minute I finished work, before bed and as soon as I woke up. This one time, when I was feeling particularly low, I turned my phone off, forgetting about my scheduled call. It was about 11:30/00:00. My mom drove all the way down, despite having work at 0600am. She just sat outside with me for hours, listening to me. (Judging me for chain smoking and stinking a little bit). The calls I took for granted, I’ll admit. But now I look back and think about how tired she was, sitting outside with me in the cold. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I had everything I needed right there.

I just know that there will be loads of blogs where I’ll talk about my mom. Stay tuned, she’s hilarious and unpredictable.

Stay groovy!

(And if you have just read this, call your mom and tell her you love her)

Pass on those good mumsy vibes will ya 🙂